Mara

"...and the women said, 'Is this Naomi?' And she said to them, 'Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me." Ruth 1:19b-20

Naomi's name meant "pleasant." Mara meant "bitter." Naomi had ventured into Moab with her husband, Elimelech because of a famine. Both her husband and two sons died there. She returned to Israel with only one daughter-in-law, Ruth. The other stayed behind with her gods. Both of Naomi's sons married Moabite women, and it appears from the passage that they did not worship Yahweh.

What was the cause of Naomi's bitterness? Was it her fault that she found herself in that situation, having lost everything? Was it Elimelech's fault? Her sons'? The passage doesn't say. Yet, she knew that God had dealt bitterly with her. Or did He really? Was that simply her perception? God turned the situation into a part of Jesus' genealogy. Ruth married Boaz and was David's great grandmother.

Affliction and Confirmation

Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us, and the years we have seen evil. Let Thy work appear to Thy servants, and Thy majesty to their children. And let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; and do confirm for us the work of our hands; yes, confirm the work of our hands. Psalm 90:15-17

This Psalm was penned by Moses near the end of his life. Our pastor preached using this Psalm on Sunday. Years of affliction and evil were Moses' experience. God's people wandered in the wilderness 40 years.

Oftentimes I think of affliction in the world today; even in my life. I hate the news. It is a continual reminder of how bad some things are. I refuse to watch it anymore. I wonder how I've contributed to affliction, and constantly feel it upon me. Sometimes it seems like the harder one works, the less effective that work is. I long for confirmation of the work of my hands. Most often I don't see how God could - or better yet, would - confirm it. I think sometimes that would be a miracle in itself.

Wisdom And Grief

"...in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain." Ecclesiastes 1:18

This verse resonates with my experience of the last 10 years of viewing the world through the lens of "a Christian world-view." This view can vary depending on what is considered, but maybe I can talk of this through "my" view. I relate the world to myself based on what I know of theology, philosophy, law, various doctrines that are held my men, the human experience, etc. The more I have learned about the world and how it relates to what I think God expects, the more grief and pain I experience. It's not like I only look outward with these things in view, I also grieve at my own life. I should, shouldn't I? It's not like everybody else is to blame for everything, but greatly my own doing. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. The more I know about God, the worse the world and myself look.

There is also a realization that as bad as I think things may be, God can work through all this to accomplish great things. As grieved as I am about the current state of things, and as much pain as it causes, still I am optimistic about the future because God directs it. This doesn't always (or most of the time anyway) result in feeling better about my own lot in life because I know I can be a complete failure at everything I do with God still making the world a better place despite my situation. In general, I tend to be optimistic about the kingdom, yet pessimistic about my own life. Short of copy/pasting the entire bible in the comments section, if anybody has a pill to cure this, email me a copy of the pill. I know paradise is a ways off yet, and it will take a resurrection for us to enjoy it in fullness.

Life is full of bitter pills to swallow, yet there is also some joy. I cannot yet exult in my tribulations nor take comfort in my afflictions to any moderate degree. I often wonder if my problems are God's way of making things ultimately good for me or His way of calling down judgment upon me. They seem to fit both categories equally. Are my problems a result of my own stupidity and sin, or are they just part of the landscape of life caused by all sin and apparent random futility? I feel mostly as if I don't have the ability to discern between the two and lack the ability to know where to begin repentance. I often see how I think God meant for things to be and think to myself, "if they only knew." But then, if everybody else only knew, would they do what they knew to be right? It's less of a crime to God to do something wrong in ignorance than to do it with knowledge. Maybe I should be thankful that most people just don't know everything. That way, God can change things on His own terms without people thinking they had a large hand in it. Ignorance just might be bliss. I guess I missed out on that one, huh?

Life Blues

I've been feeling lately like writing a series of posts from the standpoint of lamentation. Not about lamentation, but in lamenting. Our family has experienced a number of difficult things in the past two years. Things that go beyond explanation or imagined cure. My theology has also developed to a point of viewing the world in new ways, some not always packaged neatly with bows and ribbons. As joyful as the Christian life can be, there is also much grief, pain and depression. This can be found on the pages of Scripture from many of the most prominent biblical writers. Even Jesus Himself - no, especially Jesus Himself - experienced the suffering of the human condition. I have a hunch I will be able to write about such things only if I am currently in that particular mood. We'll see how it goes.