I've noticed an increase in the number of people who have blogged about their experiences with spiritual abuse in the church and problems with authoritarian leadership. I think I know some reasons why.
Often, people who blog about such things are criticized for doing so, sometimes harshly. After all, if you have a problem with somebody, aren't you supposed to go directly to them to deal with it? Well, not exactly, and that's where an explanation can be useful.
You see, there is a big difference between one person sinning against another in ordinary things and people using positions and systems of power (with the supposed backing of God and the threatening of excommunication or hell for dissent) in accomplishing the sin. In the first case there is a much easier path of recourse; in the latter there may be none at all. Try confronting a friend who dealt you a minor insult. The whole thing might be solved and over with in a couple of minutes. Your friend may not want to insult you because he is your friend, and he will realize his pettiness and the greater value of God and friendship. Now try confronting a group of church leaders who view the confronting of church leaders as one of the most heinous things one can do. How far do you think you will go with that one?
With nowhere else to go, and with no real way of getting the problem solved, telling others about the story may be the only way to go. And this isn't merely the airing of dirty laundry. This is the exposing of evil deeds that are purposed in the heart of those who commit such things. Look to the example of Jesus and the bible to see how these types of problems are dealt with.
What did Jesus do with the ruling religious leaders of his day? Where are the examples of private, personal confrontation? Rather, Jesus spoke openly and publicly about the evil deeds of the religious leaders. His concern was for those who might be affected by their teachings and deeds. Where is the concern for "protecting their good names?" And what did the Holy Spirit think about all of this? Well, he decided to inspire four gospel writers and several apostles to write these things in a number of books and a church to collect those into one larger book! And what did Zondervan think about all of this? Zondervan, without consulting descendants of these religious leaders to see if exposing these deeds would tarnish family images, decided to print millions of copies of the book! And what did you and I think about all of this? We bought the book!
I hope in all the hoopla surrounding the stories that expose such things we remember that the pain and hurt caused by power and systems are a different animal and warrant a different response than that of personal offenses. More to come.
The people who are most critical of wounded souls pouring out their hurt in public seem to be those with the most to gain by maintaining the authoritarian status quo.
ReplyDeleteOr the most to lose from others hearing of the pain.
DeleteI agree with you! What does Jesus tell us to do with the one who will not repent of his sin after telling it to the church? Treat them as a Gentile and a tax collector (unbeliever and rebellious). They are cast out from the church and as Paul says, remove him from among you (1 Cor 5:2) and deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh (1 Cor 5:5). But, what does one do when the elders of the church refuse to repent of their sin and step down and remove themselves from the church? I believe we must then ex-communicate them from us, meaning we must leave them and go elsewhere. I look forward to hearing more from you on this subject.
ReplyDeleteCraig, welcome to From the Pew. Thanks for your comment. I have thought this very thing, too. What do you do with "tell it to the church" when the church is the problem? You know, many church leaders insert a church discipline step 2.5 into their by-laws or constitutions. When one comes to the point of telling it to the church, they insert that one should tell it to the elders and only if they deem the matter appropriate will they tell the church. This is supposedly to prevent gossip, etc. So I'd love to see some elders tell the church about discipline brought against themselves. Think it would ever happen?
DeleteI blogged my story because when I was going through it, I felt extremely alone. I had heard the term "spiritual abuse," but did not think that it applied to my situation. I chose to blog my story because I wanted something to be available for someone else going through spiritual abuse - if, for no other reason, to let them know that they are NOT alone. As far as the "confrontational" aspect of it, I do not name names, other than myself and my husband. Only family and close friends would have any idea who I am talking about. My intent is not to "whistle-blow" [one of the churches we attended has since been shut down, so it's a mute point!]. Just wanted to give another perspective on why someone may blog about their spiritual abuse story :o).
ReplyDeleteLeanne, thank you so much for your perspective. Yes, your "not naming names" angle is certainly a good one and one I've used a number of times on my blog for various experiences.
DeleteI have gone through many things in life thinking I was alone in the matter. And with church and theology I went through numerous issues before I discovered the internet and blogging. The healing one can receive just knowing one is not alone can be powerful.
Thank you for this post and also for your reference to MacArthur I read on TWW. I used MacArthur's quote on my blog post today. I agree 100%.
ReplyDeleteI began my blog because "someone" was removing my Google reviews of the church. Within days of my first blog post, I received a court summons and am being sued for defamation.
When there is abuse, I will not be silenced.
Free, thanks for your comment and your reply on TWW. I read your post, and can simply say that I can pray for justice in your case.
DeleteHow horrible. I don't know much about your situation, but sometimes I chuckle when "defamation" is tossed about loosely. What some people just don't get is that THEY are the ones who have defamed their own character, and the one "guilty" of defamation is simply pointing it out.
Thank you, Steve. Yes, it is horrible and a colossal waste of time and resources. I look forward to the rest of your series on spiritual abuse.
DeleteI have blogged about our experiences because it is a place to vent my frustrations. We took the Biblical approach and went to talk to the pastor. He, while commending us for our approach to him and thanking us for not involving others, took a completely different approach. He suggested that we leave, and later got the elders to agree. (He accused us of being divisive.) At no time were we allowed to present witnesses and when I asked them where their witnesses were, I was told that was not necessary. We chose to leave, but after reading your article wonder if we should have chosen a different route. It is never an easy decision.
ReplyDeleteDon, thanks for commenting and leaving a small part of your story. How each one of us responds to our situation is not set in stone, I believe. I've left a handful of churches and later on had the idea that I should have done something different. You are right, it is never an easy decision.
DeleteWith regard to being "divisive," do you see what is actually going on here? The pastor is the one who wants to "divide" himself from yourself. Being divisive is the act of causing division. I've heard the term bandied about with its opposite meaning many times before. Simply disagreeing with a secondary doctrine of the pastor/elders may get one labeled as "divisive" even when a person actively seeks unity despite the differences.
Maybe people blog about their personal experiences (e.g., spiritual abuse, domestic abuse, family conflicts, sex) because they feel as though the internet is their only voice. When no one's there in person to listen to the joys and hardships of your life, it's easy to convince yourself that millions of anonymous strangers online are enthralled by your stories.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
DeleteA likely probability to be sure! I may fall short of the millions of strangers, but I know that a small handful of people really are enthralled by my stories. Whether or not this is good remains to be seen. ;)
Interesting! And I think you're right! I think some do it to break the silence, some to vent, some to offer hope to others and many are a blend of the above. It is tragic that it is so prevalent and leaders so unwilling to hear and change.
ReplyDeleteI recently started a series of blog posts on Spiritual Abuse and my site traffic immediately increased, starting with the first post! That tells me that it's a huge problem! I share stories with a tone of hope and redemption, praying that people will find peace, and receive a lot of private messages.
Bless you in your ministry here!