The Gift of Singleness?

I came across this article at Better Bibles blog about the idea of singleness being a gift from God. A Carolyn McCulley book on women's singleness is looked at (along with a linked critical review) in light of a mistranslation of the bible to give the impression that singleness is a gift from God. It brings back some memories of being single and observing the lives of other singles.

I don't believe singleness is a gift in the biblical sense, like tongues or prophesy. Singleness is often a grave difficulty for those who desire to be married. I should know, I was single for a number of years. But there's a problem because there are often blame and guilt games being played by people who think they have the final word on the subject. Some wallow in self pity. Some blame the church. Some blame women. Some blame men. Those blamed blame back. Some just drop the "God is Sovereign" bomb and demand contentment from others. The critical review in the link I provided blamed the flight of men from our churches as to why so many women are single.

In my experience, there is a shortage of women in the churches. But that's only because I have attended doctrinally oriented Reformed churches that place a high emphasis on analytical theology. Women aren't drawn to doctrinal zealots. In my first church, the single men outnumbered the women by 10:1. And the women were beyond homely. But the men were just as weird. My next church had a few women, but their potential for being my wife was obscured by a neo-puritan prairie muffin Little House on the Prairie type of aura. Some of my friends needed to recruit good looking, socially normal women from large Arminian or Charismatic churches and convert them to being Calvinists. Some engaged in "missionary dating" with attractive unbelievers. Then there are the giddy married women who act as self-appointed matchmakers who don't always produce good things. There are plenty of teachings about dating and courtship, the internet, arranged marriages, all in competition.

Contrary to those who harp on God's sovereignty in providing a wife from within one's own church, I went outside as well. I don't envy those Christians who are single and having a hard time finding a mate, but I have little sympathy for those who play the blame game. I'm glad I didn't marry one of those. Singles should be encouraged - to whatever they can be, either as single or married - but not condemned for dating or internet matchmaking. We have enough legalists without issues of singleness, dating and marriage being added to the forbidden list.