More On Singleness

Thanks to each who commented on my recent post on singleness. My good friend Shelly wrote some about the expectations of others and the difficulty in dealing with that. During my singleness as a Christian, I also had to deal with the expectations of others in the context of all the various doctrines of marriage/divorce/remarriage, some of which are rigid salvation-dependent doctrines. I had friends who expected that since I was previously divorced that I was to remain single. Others thought it okay to remarry. Still others thought it my duty to remarry. Yet others thought I needed to pursue and reconcile with my ex-wife. Several close friends even told me that if I decided to remarry, since I was married previously, that they wouldn't attend my wedding because that would be giving a blessing to adultery. As "Christians" they couldn't bless adultery.

Also, since internet dating was in its infancy, reactionary conservative Christians had yet to consider the possibility of God allowing it as not sinful. Additionally, I had read Joshua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and fell into the trap of viewing his book as "the biblical" way to look at dating instead simply his own personal convictions. I hurt several women as a result. I then kissed "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" goodbye. There are those who advocate the "courtship" system (man-made system, no less) and condemn those who "date," even if they do so without sin. Some who "date" actually unknowingly follow the courtship system, but since they don't know that there are self-appointed priests of relationships out there that christen the system with the name "courtship", they are condemned.

With all the talk about contentment during singlehood, I think the least content people are the ones who place the expectations on singles. They are not content to leave the lives of others alone. They don't believe that singles can discern God's will from reading the bible. They manufacture doctrines and condemn those who don't fit with their religious utopias. How would they know what I have to deal with on a day to day basis? Job's friends, they. Jesus said to his disciples that some were born eunuchs, some are made eunuchs by men, and some make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom, and that not everybody could accept such a statement. Yeah, Jesus, I know.

Now for a clarification on my first post. I don't have a problem with matchmaking or matchmakers (yes, Steve Schlissel has a matchmaking service) or with friends helping out by suggesting somebody special, as long as the person they "help" is okay with it.