Friday, April 02, 2010

Is There Something Wrong With This Picture?

I have something I'm trying to get at with this post, and I'll reveal it later. Imagine a two bedroom apartment with two people living there, one in each bedroom. They have different jobs, working different schedules, have different friends, different hobbies and passions and likes. They come across each other's paths only occasionally, but they are friendly and cordial to one another.

Their differing schedules make it seem, for the most part, like each lives there alone, unbothered by the other's quirks and oddities. They are on good terms with each other, generally, and have no outstanding problems with each other. They have no problem sharing the fridge space, and common living areas are never a point of conflict. They can have their own friends over without bothering the other because their schedules are so different. They each pay their fair share of the rent.

Looking at this, it seems like a good roommate relationship. Each can live their own lives unhindered by the other. It seems almost living there alone most of the time. Their differences are actually beneficial to the other.

Now imagine if the situation I've described is not between two roommates, but two people who are married to each other. Suddenly red flags raise all over the place. I would think it not an ideal situation at all, but rather, even worse for some very good reasons. Such a relationship between married people could seem just as good as the roommate relationship, but for me, there would be great pain because of what a marriage should be like is missing. Many expectations of marriage are not being met. Since this situation is not like that, there is added grief and despair. More later. [Disclaimer: this is not about my own marriage, but something else I'm getting at. It's just an analogy]


  1. I hope you're taking this in the direction that I'm thinking. It is a good analogy... strangers passing in the night, but for an entire lifetime, and calling it family/community/fellowship.


  2. This is a lot like my marriage sometimes. It beats getting divorced and having to date, though.